George Lucas’ original subtitles for Star Wars,
which were cut because the producers felt it made the film too existential
Chewbacca as Kierkegaard
R2D2 as Nietzsche
If I were to write a zombie film, I would write the story of a young man who survived the zombie apocalypse by pretending to be a zombie. Outwitted by his convincing performance, the zombies considered the young man one of their own and didn’t eat him. For years he lived this way, adopting the ways of the zombies, their groaning, their knotty amble, their slumped gaze… The protagonist would steal away at night to write poetry in the moonlight, a sincere attempt to remain human. As the years pass, due to a lack of human contact and nurturing the zombie way, his poetry devolves from somewhat eloquent, if not clichéd stanzas, into passages of groaning set to text. (These passages would form plenty of content for voiceover narration.) Although not a zombie, the zombie got into his head and heart.
One day he meets a female human, another human survivor, and falls in love. He tries to court her, but she, thinking he is a zombie, keeps screaming and running away. He watches over her and keeps the other zombies from finding her, but cannot speak to her, for the adaptation is too severe. The film basically involves him trying to write love poems to her, but they consist of scribbling lines, such as, “aar… rarrr…aaarr…raaarrrr…glllar,” that he tries to recite to her whenever he sees her, or leaves near her encampment, much to her screaming dismay.
But, I really don’t want to write a zombie movie.